Bahalos'cha - You Were Meant to Burn, Not Beg for Meat

You were doing it.

Inspired. Went to that shiur.

Started learning your chassidus.

Woke up early. Learn with fire. Tefillin wrapped tight. Eyes off your phone.

You told yourself this time would be different. You even believed it.

But the growth got slow.

The hunger got real.

And before you knew it, you were back. scrolling, snacking, numbing.

Klal Yisrael did the same. They stood on the edge of greatness… and chose lunch.

That’s not just their story. That’s yours.

Every time you walk away from the fire and beg for meat.

5 Years or Bust

There is a Rashi form this parsha that has hurt since I was in high school.

You haven't learned until your heart and mind have been twisted over a shverre Rashi.

You could say this was the first real question I had learning Torah, when my mind forst started to really think about things.

I was in Yeshiva of Far Rockaway. At a symposium on an in Shabbos.

Harav Yechiel Perr, zt”ll, sat facing the entire yeshiva, fielding the most random, bizarre, and interesting questions the guys could come up with.

Some of the best lines of the Rosh Yeshiva came from these symposiums. Many are best not repeated here or in polite company.

I didn't have a question to ask.

My friend gave me a poked.

Binyamin Keilson. A firebrand in his own right.

“Hey, ask the Rosh Yeshiva about this!”

He then showed me a pasuk from Bahalosecha, and a Rashi that has haunted me ever since.

זֹ֖את אֲשֶׁ֣ר לַלְוִיִּ֑ם מִבֶּן֩ חָמֵ֨שׁ וְעֶשְׂרִ֤ים שָׁנָה֙ וָמַ֔עְלָה יָבוֹא֙ לִצְבֹ֣א צָבָ֔א בַּעֲבֹדַ֖ת אֹ֥הֶל מוֹעֵֽד׃

“This is that which belongs to the Levites: from twenty five years old and upward they shall go in to wait upon the service of the Tent of Meeting” (Bamidbar 8:24)

מבן חמש ועשרים. וּבְמָקוֹם אַחֵר אוֹמֵר "מִבֶּן שְׁלֹשִׁים שָׁנָה" (במדבר ד'), הָא כֵיצַד? מִבֶּן כ"ה בָּא לִלְמֹד הִלְכוֹת עֲבוֹדָה וְלוֹמֵד חָמֵשׁ שָׁנִים וּבֶן שְׁלֹשִׁים עוֹבֵד, מִכָּאן לְתַלְמִיד שֶׁלֹּא רָאָה סִימָן יָפֶה בְּמִשְׁנָתוֹ בְּחָמֵשׁ שָׁנִים שׁוּב אֵינוֹ רוֹאֶה (ספרי; חולין כ"ד):

“But in another passage, it states, (Numbers 4:3) “from thirty years old [and upwards … all that enter into the host to do the work in the Mishakan”! How are these apparently contradictory passages to be reconciled? In the following way: From twenty five years on he (the Levite) comes to learn the laws regulating the service, and he studies for five years, and at the age of thirty he may actually do the service. — From here we may derive the principle that a pupil who does not see an auspicious omen (i. e. success) in his study during five years will never see it.” (Sifrei Bamidbar 62; Chullin 24a.)

This line burned me like cheap whiskey the minute I read it. And it never stopped.

“A pupil who does not see an auspicious omen (i. e. success) in his study during five years will never see it.”

“You gotta ask him! How could this be? How could Rashi be telling you to give up?”

I did not have the guts to ask. I still fall apart and get nervous in front of crowds.

The Rosh Yeshiva then took a question that went down in history as the most epic question ever.

The mailman. Hameivin yavin.

But that Rashi never left me. It haunts me. Depending on the season of my life I’ve used it as an excuse for not being where I should be, or as a fire to get me going.

Yet, never had real pshat, until a few years ago.

I am sure the Rosh Yeshiva would approve. (I hope.)

Here is my attempt to make this make sense.

You need to understand what’s happening in the Parsha.

The Contrast

We had it all.

The Menorah lit with divine fire.

The Levi’im purified.

The cloud of glory guiding their every step.

The trumpets sounding the call to greatness.

And then… we broke.

Not from war. Not from tragedy.

From hunger.

Not real hunger, from a life of ease.

The kind that comes when growth gets uncomfortable, when the Mahn starts to taste bland, because we got in our own heads too much.

The fire didn’t feel exciting anymore.

So we begged for meat.

Traded transcendence for cravings.

We sold our destiny for a hot lunch.

This wasn’t a fall. It was a collapse.

It happens every time a man reaches the edge of greatness and turns back because he’d rather feel full than become fire.

Pshat in Rashi. The Hard Truth.

Rashi is not saying that if you spend five years with no success, it's ok to throw in the towel.

He could and would never say such a thing.

It would be an insult to Rashi.

Rashi is saying that if you put in the effort consistently for five years, there is no way you could fail.

But you have to stay consistent with it.

My Shvuger just shared this gem with me.

“Anything you do, if you stick with it and don't let up, you will be successful. ANYTHING!!!”

Most people fail because they give up too soon.

And no, this doesn't negate Bitachon.

Most of you have no idea how Hishtadlus works, and we need to get to that.

For now, know you need to work hard and spend time to build mastery. In any skill. Even bad ones.

Rashi is not saying “give up”; he’s saying, “Make sure you are actually putting in the 5 years.”

The Burn

The true Gibor burns.

Not for a week. Not until it’s hard.

He burns for five years, minimum.

He doesn’t flinch when it’s thankless.

He doesn’t scroll when it’s slow.

He doesn’t binge because the wins aren’t coming fast enough.

He doesn’t cry for meat when the flame gets dim.

He just keeps lighting the menorah.

Again. And again.

Until it lights him back.

Because the Gibor understands something most men never learn.

The fire only answers those who refuse to leave the Mishkan.

So go ahead, crave your Slav.

But don’t pretend you’re on a path to greatness if you can’t sit in the hunger long enough to become light.

Change

I turn 40 on the 22nd of Sivan.

When I am 45, I will be unrecognizable.

If you are not changing, growing.

If you are the same person you were five years ago. You failed.

I didn't say it. Rashi did.

It doesn't matter where you are holding in life. From the biggest tzadikim to the lowest sinner.

And if you failed, know that you can start again.

It’ll take five years, but in five years you can change the world.

Most men want the crown, but only a Gibor is willing to burn for it.

Only a few Giborim can make it to this point. you are one the few. Your fire will light the way for tens of thousands.